Why Your Self-Care Routine May Not Be Working

One of the cornerstones of my work with clients, is developing a self-care routine. By the time clients get to me, they are often burnt out, depleted, and just grasping to keep afloat. Regardless of what they are coming to me for, until they are in a good space, meaning they are receptive to change; any work we do will be futile. I often find that clients just want to “fix the problem”, without much regard for how they arrived at their issue, or how to avoid getting back there.

The one thing I stand by in my work, is, if you don’t have a firm foundation within yourself, and have made some fundamental mindset shifts, you may experience temporary relief; but that relief will be fleeting. It is so easy to go back to old routines and behaviors if you haven’t addressed what got you there in the first place.

So, in every initial conversation, I always address self-care. “What do you do for self-care?” is always a question which comes up.

It sounds real cliché, but self-care is so necessary when it comes to any self-improvement work because your relationship with self does shape the relationship you will have with the external world and others.

Now I tend to find three types of people:

1. Those who feel they have a great routine and don’t. E.g., people who get their nails and hair done every month, but are stressed out the bulk of the time.
2. Those who have absolutely no semblance of self-care in their life. E.g., people who are always on the go, and don’t come up for air, or those who think of self-care as “selfish”
3. Those who have strong misconceptions about what self-care is. E.g., People who will tell me “I hate bubble baths and yoga”

Now of course there are lots of people with a pretty good practice. However, the vast majority of those I work with simply don’t. Now I say this with no judgment because I can understand why. It’s taken me a while to develop a practice, and there are times when quite frankly I slip up. I don’t prioritize it, and make it a bit of an afterthought. However, once I recognize what I’m doing, I do what I need to get right back on track. From my personal experiences, and working with others, I’ve learned that 3 fundamental components make a great practice, that will have you feeling blissful the majority of the time.

“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you”

Katie Reid

Consistency

This is why I love practices that involve things like classes, and other people, because they add a component of accountability. When you’ve paid for a class, or are doing something with a group of friends, you are more likely to not put it off.

Now, this may seem like a tall order in a real busy life. However, be reminded that consistency doesn’t mean it has to be done daily. It just needs to be done regularly. As often as needed to remain in a good space. You get to decide what consistency looks like to you. You may need a daily practice, or a weekly one, it all depends on you.  

Joy in What You Do

The biggest thing about self-care, is the SELF in the care.  Which ironically, is what most people tend to forget. Self-care needs to be about YOU. Following someone else’s plan, isn’t necessarily going to work for you. This is why I give suggestions when it comes to generating a plan because whatever you choose has to resonate with you. I have heard so many clients who’ve shared that, meditating, yoga, or reading didn’t’ work for them. When I asked why they were doing a particular activity, I often get the basic response “I thought that was what I’m supposed to do”

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Your self-care routine needs to be about you. It needs to take into consideration your likes, dislikes, strengths, lifestyle, and schedule. If you are just doing what you think you should be doing, it will be very hard to get the benefits from it.  Plus, you won’t want to do it, because you won’t enjoy it.

So, if you want your routine to be beneficial, you’ve got to tailor it to you. Take some time to explore different things and see what works. A hobby or interest, is a great place to start. What are the things you do which leave you feeling fulfilled and relaxed? Are there hobbies you have that make time evaporate? Do some exploring, and see what you come up with. What you find might surprise you. Just don’t get in the trap of thinking meditation and yoga are the only options. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to self-care. It’s whatever works for you!

A Self- Care Mindset

I find most people feel self-care is simply an action to undertake to become less stressed.

However, it is so much more than that.

What I’ve learned about self-care, is that it’s a mindset and way of life. How you prioritize your mental health and wellness needs. If you want to ensure your self-care routine is working, as already outlined you need to be consistent and it needs to be tailored to you. To achieve this, you have to change how you think about yourself and your needs. As I’ve shared, my self-care tends to fall off when I don’t prioritize it. However, when I am razor-sharp about protecting my routine, I get the most out of it. Not only that but when I start to think about myself as a priority overall. Speaking up when I need to, protecting my time, essentially choosing me. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s a necessity in ensuring that you are functioning at your bests.  

If you want a successful routine, go beyond thinking about the things you can do, and also consider the shifts in mindset that need to be made to facilitate it.

We live in a really busy world, so self-care is an imperative part of life. If you’ve tried to employ it and haven’t been successful, try out these tips and see if you make a change. If you’re stuck on what you can do, check out my Resource Library to get a copy of my 50 Self Care Suggestions worksheet, which I share with all of my clients.

Happy Relaxing!!

Deon   

P.S if you are looking for some ideas around self-care, check out the resource library for tips!