Once upon a time, I wanted to be a writer. An avid reader since childhood, writing seemed to be a natural progression. Despite my strong desires, it never happened. I bought books, I took writing courses, even got a coach, and some how my bestseller is still sitting somewhere in my head. However, it’s not just writing. I’ve taken up just about every crafting hobby you can think of, and haven’t followed through on any of them. More on this later.

I used to think I’d be married by 30, with two children; twins in fact. I’d have my own business, and would have a lot of free time to write that best selling book. I’m actually chuckling as I type this. Then to top if off, as a traveler there were so many places I wanted to go in the world, and even wanted to live abroad. So many dreams, felt like so little time.

Now, as you can probably guess, none of that came to pass. As a matter of fact, I live the exact opposite. I’ve surpassed my 30 year old deadline, with no best- selling book, no husband, no children, didn’t master any of my hobbies, I have travelled, but didn’t quite get to live abroad, but right now I am can say, I feel fulfilled and happy.

For most of my adult life, I felt deep dissatisfaction. On the outside it looked like I had it all together, but within I never felt quite at peace. I felt stuck, unfulfilled, empty, and unaccomplished. No matter what I did, I could never quite fill that void. I would pursue education, employment, relationships, a certain body image, but even when I was accomplishing these things, it was never enough. I was always looking for something outside of my self, to take the feeling away. It wasn’t until I reached a place of acceptance, embraced my journey, and truly loved and appreciated my inner self that I was set free in such a liberating way. I no longer looked for the answer “out there”, but really learned how to tap into my strengths, gifts, and inner wisdom.

Looking back, I can say, I was in battle with myself. On a constant quest to “live my best life”. Countless books, programs, retreats, etc., all in my arsenal. I lived in a constant loop of self improvement. Now there is nothing wrong with self improvement, I think it’s something we should all work towards; however it became problematic when I was so focused on improving, that I’d often lose the joy of simply existing.

I was living in the future, unhappy with my present, regretting my past.

However, today I can say, I have come to the place where I have recognized that life is right now, and every moment of it is valuable. It can be absolutely beautiful, but also very messy. Rather than letting go and creating, we often place so much engery in coloring within the lines.

One day I had an aha moment. I don’t know if it was an actual moment or a realization that had gained traction over time; but I came to a point where I recognized, I had to embrace it all.

I am a free spirit, thus I needed to let my spirit be free.

My internal discomforts came from the fact that instead of experiencing life, I was trying to conquer it. Most importantly, I was often journeying down a path which was not my own. Ticking all the boxes, and trying to do all the things we are “supposed to do”. Often times trying to meet these expectations is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. It doesn’t fit. But we are so wired to think that there is a certain level of discomfort in life that is just supposed to be, and I don’t believe this is true. I don’t like to feel caged, and I can not be confined.

I’ve learned that anytime something does not flow easily for me, it’s probably an indicator that it’s not for me. It took me awhile to realize that my insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, and stuck ness weren’t that I was failing, but that I wasn’t in my own lane, running my own self determined race. Looking back, I have realized, I wasn’t allowing myself to experience the fullness of existence.

Earlier I said I was a free spirit. In actuality, I believe we all are, we just need to allow ourselves to free our spirit. It’s easy to blend into the conventions of society. It’s what we are socialized to do. Through my work with many clients, I’ve found that some people don’t even realize that’s what they are doing. Hiding in plain sight. Now there is nothing wrong if you’ve taken a traditional road. I believe we should all do what makes us happy. I just think, if there is something inside that doesn’t feel right, then it’s worth exploring. Is there a part of you which isn’t being expressed?

So, what does it mean to Live in Cursive?

Think about what it’s like to write in cursive. If anyone even does that anymore. Lol Letting your pen flow, joining your letters, to ultimately create your statement piece. In life, there are ups and downs, but we eventually get to a place where it starts to come together. Where we appreciate all our experiences and accept the lessons we’ve learned along the way.  

Part of this blog is me reflecting on what I would have told my younger self. The other part is me sharing my journey of growth. I feel there are so many women who feel the way I’ve felt, and if my insights can help to ease that burden, I’ve accomplished what I have set out to do.

Through this blog, I hope we can celebrate the ups. Embrace the downs, and in the end have a wonderful masterpiece, through the stories we are able to tell.

Looking forward to the journey

Keep Creating your Story,

D