Change can be exhausting.
There is nothing more frustrating than attempting to accomplish something new, and not seeing the fruits of your labour. Putting out effort, but not feeling the results. Particularly when it comes to personal growth. There was a time where I truly wondered what was wrong with me. With all the effort I put out to improve, I still wasn’t at peace. In various place on this blog, I’ve shared the lengths I’ve gone to, to find a sense of inner peace. I’ve bought crystals, I’ve had healers, I’ve travelled to retreats, I’ve been coached, I’ve bought books, etc, etc. Yet for a very long time, what I was looking for alluded me. I know I am not alone in this, because I have many clients who come to me, faced with the same feelings. They have tried numerous things, but still they haven’t reached their goal.
It wasn’t until I shifted my thinking, that I was able to embody what it was that I desired. It wasn’t the techniques which got me there, it was how I engaged with them, how they set me up for who I wanted to become. For example, there were times when I would sit to meditate, be perfectly fine in the moment, and then get up and create more chaos, that I would later need to go back and still myself again. What slowly became clear to me, was that I had to learn how to not even create the chaos, by remaining in my meditative state. Another example is, I would work with a coach, be given homework, I’d get it done, but really didn’t engage with the material. I just had homework that was done. I didn’t follow up with what I had learned, I didn’t really put it into practice, I just did it. It was almost as if I did it and forgot about it. What I learned was, I was engaging in these activities, but was more focused on accomplishing the activity, than embodying what it was meant to teach me. It’s a subtle awareness, but one which may be speed up your rate of change.
When we are in a place of discomfort, we just want the feeling and situation to go away. We often go on a hunt to find the magic “answer”, forgetting that the issue wasn’t created overnight, so there is no quick fix solution. Unlike going to a doctor, there isn’t a pill that can take the problem away. The only thing which can address this, is being present and embodying the change you hope to achieve.
Sometimes the “doing” tricks us into thinking we are actually “becoming”
If I show up for my appointment, I am making change.
If I do my homework, I am making change.
If I do my journal entries I am making change.
If I do my meditations I am making change.
Now don’t get me wrong these are all very important aspects of the process. However, that is not where things are solidified. It’s when you start becoming the vision of what you want for yourself, that you will experience change.
When you finish your homework, what aspects of that work do you take into your day?
When you finish meditating do you find yourself becoming more peaceful in your interactions?
Once you finish your coaching or therapy session do you find you are engaging in your new found insights and trying to apply them to your everyday life?
I remember working with a client, and her asking for yet another technique, despite having many in her tool box, which she wasn’t actively using. Doing something once, or a couple of times, most often isn’t enough. Change requires a lot of consistency and effort. It’s like building a muscle, the more you work it, the greater the gains and growth.
That’s why it’s more important to focus on a shift in mindset and practices, then it is with just doing techniques. Don’t get stuck, in “out there” mode. Where we constantly seek for the things outside of ourselves, to find the answer. The answer is always within, the techniques are just what we use to access them.
Think of it this way. You are trying to lose weight. You’ve been instructed by your trainer to start jogging. You consistently go for your jog, but when you return, you tend to raid the fridge. You’re doing your jogs, but can’t seem to lose weight. Now this is an exaggerated example, because I believe most people understand, the importance of nutrition in weight loss, so it will take more than jogging. However, what it does take is you need to exercise, but also develop a healthy lifestyle. Doing one thing, isn’t going to solve the problem. You need to look at the whole picture.
So, I challenge you, as you embark on living a fuller life, instead of looking at what you need to do, try thinking about who you need to become.
We must to also remember, healing and change are not linear processes. Meaning that one day you may take a step forward, and another you may take a couple steps back. However, if you continue to work at it, you will eventually reach your goals. If you look at it as a process where you are both learning how to be different, and unlearning what got you there, it becomes easier to recognize that the change may take time. It takes a lot of effort, compassion, confidence, and persistence. All of which, are fundamental parts of the process.
Something to Reflect On:
Who do you have to become, to embody the person and life that you envision for yourself?
If you would like more Resources to help you in “becoming” check out our Resources page to get some great worksheets to get you started.
